Some rave of Florida’s pristine white sandy beaches, others its endless array of world class theme parks and still others its equally endless array of senior citizens. For us however, there’s one thing to rave about above them all; its spectacular selection of bizarre roadside attractions. Here are some of its best:
1. World’s Largest Shuffleboard Courts: St. Petersburg, Florida
Grab your friend Ethel, give Gertrude a call, heck, clear out all of Florida’s old age homes and bring the gang here to the world’s largest shuffleboard courts. This may not be Florida’s oldest attraction, but it certainly attracts its oldest people.
The Shuffleboard courts here are so large in fact that your Aunt Bertha will have trouble making it to the other side without her angina acting up. Don’t let her leave home without her meds.
Once your aching back has had enough, head inside to the World Shuffleboard Hall Of Fame and pay your respects to Shuffleboard Legends Mae Hall and Lucy Perkins. Cooperstown has nothing on these guys.
2. Las Margaritas Grill: Homosassa Florida
Not since the American Revolution has Patriotism bled as strong as it does inside the doors of Las Margaritas Grill. On Friday and Saturday nights, patrons are handed American flags, and asked to take part in the singing of God Bless America, I’m Proud To Be An American, God Bless USA and the National Anthem. Those refusing to stand and sing (not to mention those who partake in flag burning) are promptly asked to hit the road.
Loyalists to the British crown, the French, Osama Bin Laden, we suggest you check yourselves at the door.
Las Margaritas Hormossa Springs
3. Mini Golf With Live Gators: Sarasota, Florida
Windmills, castles and clown noses no longer doing it for you on the mini-golf course, Try throwing a few live gators to the mix. The threat of losing your ball (or your hand) to pack of deadly 10 foot gators will have you putting with laser like precision.
After your round, you can even purchase a pile of raw meat to feed to the resident reptiles. Or alternatively, just jump in and feed them for no charge.
4. French Café Themed McDonalds: Orlando, Florida
Here a Big Mac becomes Le Big Mac, and mere French fries become Les French Fries. In fact, if not for the McDonald’s arch standing out front, you’d think you’d walked straight into a Parisian café.
Along with Le Big Mac and other classic McDonald’s favourites, you’ll also find such upscale fare as, blackened grouper, Portobello eggplant, Italian amaretto spumoni and of course, wine. We recommend the 1997 Ronald McDonald Red; a fine, fine year.
5. Boat n’ Trailer Racing: Bithlo. Florida
For those who have yet to achieve their NASCAR Dream, Boat n’ Trailer racing is their chance to prove their worth. Brave men and women hitch a boat to their vehicle, put the pedal down, and unleash a pile of carnage in their wake.
Should the above automotive violence still leave more to be desired, stick around for school bus racing, where you’ll see these massive yellow machines whisk around the track doing deft defying figure 8s. Hail to the bus driver indeed.
-Sam